I had my first meltdown since the first week here. I was about to plant all the new herb seedlings outside when I discovered that both pairs of my gardening gloves were gone. They had been Christmas gifts from Schuyler’s brother and sister-in-law, and I felt particularly attached to them. I frantically searched the biblioteca, where I keep all the gardening tools, but they were nowhere to be found.

I got a bit frantic and worked up a sweat. That happens quite easily here actually. Overwhelmed with frustration that yet another item disappeared–this time personal items that mean more to me than to whoever took them–and the suddenly unbearable heat and the fact that three volunteers will be back in Chicago tomorrow, I sort of lost it. “What am I doing here? What am I accomplishing?”

I cried again when my roommate Sara, Kristin, and Lara left. Part of me wanted to jump in the taxi and head to the airport with them. Part of me can’t imagine life here without Sara; she’s been my roommate since I arrived. In fact, only 3 of the volunteers who were here when I arrived are still here. The dynamics obviously change quite a bit, and I’m surprised by how different the house already feels.

But tomorrow’s a new day, and I’m hoping that the herbs I did end up planting–with my bare hands–will still be there to greet me in the morning.